"Bon jour, madame!"
"What? Who? Who... who said that?"
"It is us, cher madame. Here, on ze cheap linoleum."
"That is not cheap... well, ok, it's not expensive linoleum, but it's not cheap! What's this bag of lentilles vertes doing here?"
"We have come all ze way from France to your aid, madame!"
"Why do I need a bag of French peas?"
"We are not ze peas! Peas are chubby and round, much like madame. We are sleek and nutritious."
"I don't suppose you sing silly songs, either."
"Clearly madame has been watching too much 'Veggie Tales'. No, in our far-away home we have heard of the ze great Chana Dal Disaster and have rushed to be at your side. Together, we shall achieve heights of culinary magnificence as never seen before!"
... to be continued.